THERAPY CAN HELP WITH MAKING CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE
Many people talk of making changes in their life. Usually when we hear this, they may be talking about job, home, or relationship. A common slang term is "Geographic Cure".
Reluctant to look at all aspects of what might be causing a problem, this "geographic cure" is often a first option to "fix" the problem. When I hear this, I am prone to come back with the comment "wherever you go, there you are". Recently, I heard another quote by Jim Rohn which brings reality of the situation more into focus: You can't change what is around you without first changing what is going on within you.
When one comes to therapy, this idea of change is a major focus of the therapeutic process. In the work I do with individuals and families, it is common to try to place the blame on others when one enters therapy. When someone is hurting or angry, they look for cause, but are often hesitant to look at what is going on within that may be contributing to the problem.
How many relationships end because one of the members is unhappy with the behavior of the other, yet fails to look at how their own behavior might be causing some of the problems? To some, it is as easy to move on from one relationship to another when it becomes "stale" or not fun anymore as it is to trade a car in for a newer model.
Then, when they become unhappy, they search out for the next "fix", often leaving heartache behind for others.
Another common reaction for those who fail to look at the need of change from within is to try to control others around them when their own life is out of control. The more their life spins out of control, the more controlling they become. Their control begins to cause havoc for all concerned.
Adult children of alcoholics or drug addicts often have problems with control. They have often grown up in a home where there was no order, thus their need to control their environment and those around them. Some go so far as to expect their own adult home to always be "show perfect". This may cause problems for their mate who grew up in a home where a little family clutter was the norm. Yet, no matter how pristine the home is, it doesn't bring happiness to the adult child until they come to terms with their inner feelings.
It often takes one hitting bottom, after exhausting many attempts at changing their environment or others around them, before they come to the reality that life will not improve until they face their own demons within. It take a lot of work to make change from within, but the rewards for a happier life far outweigh the other options.
Dr. Nona Owens
580 Springridge Rd.
Clinton, Ms. 39056