THE DEATH OF A MARRIAGE
Thoughts From A Psychologist
No relationship is ever perfect. Some problems come and go, others crop up, and some just lay there until the marriage is breathing its last breath. As a psychologist in the Jackson, Ms.Metro area who offers marriage counseling in my practice, I have an opportunity to see common problems in marriages that slowly eat away at the relationship. There are three major problems I see that, when worked on by both parties, can help breathe new life into a marriage. Hopefully, by me sharing these, you can have an opportunity to take a serious look at your marriage to see if some work should be done to improve it.
Perhaps the one thing I see that is the most damaging to a relationship is Lack of Communication. It amazes me that people live in the same home day in and day out, but fail to talk about their feelings. I see different reasons for this. Some just don't know how to get their needs across to their significant other. There are others who do not do so for fear of what the outcome will be, and there are others who just don't care enough to share. In some cases, they have tried to share feelings in the past, but have met with resistance, so just suffer in silence.
When communication problems are identified, I suggest simple exercises such as each party writing down three "I want" or "I need" statement daily. The statements cannot involve material things or money. The parties then share their list daily with their partner. Sometimes when the marriage is so fragile, this exercise can only be done in the therapeutic setting. However, I recommend trying this at home at any time in a marriage. It can serve as a good way to get things moving or just improve what is already good. For those struggling with what is involved in good communication, I refer the reader to an article I wrote that was published on Associated Content dealing with effective ways to improve communication:
Indifference, in my opinion, is another serious problems that can lead to the demise of a relationship. All too often one or both members begin to take the other for granted. There is no nurturing of the relationship. I often tell people that a marriage is akin to caring for a plant. Too many people plant the seed but fail to feed, water, and fertilize it to make it healthy. After the vows are said, the marriage should be nurtured each and every day.
A third factor that may cause a marriage to fail is Lack of Respect. By human nature, we are all different. When someone fails to see what is important to another in regard to their wishes, ideas, dreams, work interests, child rearing, and plans for the future, they show lack of respect for what is important to their partner. This can go even further to not respecting a partner by doing hurtful things to them. The list for this level of disrespect can be very long, ranging for not doing simple things asked of them to being unfaithful.
If one becomes sick from a physical condition, they seek a solution to the problem. When a marriage becomes sick, shouldn't it also be treated before it withers and dies?
Dr. Nona Owens
580 Springridge Rd.
Clinton, Ms. 39056
Child, Adult, and Family Therapist | Psychologist | Clinton | Jackson| Vicksburg | Brandon | Magee | Depression | Anxiety | ADHD | ADHD Testing | Divorce Recovery | Children in Divorce | Relationship Problems | ACOA| Co-Dependence | Grief Recovery | Oppositional Defiant Disorder | Medicaid