Is Your Relationship Making You Angry?
As a therapist in the Jackson, Mississippi area who treats those dealing with anger issues I get, from time to time, those who seek help for anger problems because it is causing problems within their relationship with their significant other. Seeking therapy can prove to be a positive step in healing a wounded relationship, and often leads to marriage or couples counseling with the two.
During the first interview with the individual who comes in for an appointment, we discuss where the anger is present: job, road rage, family, etc. True to form, there are some who just admit to anger in every walk of life. There are others who cannot identify anger in any situation other than when they are with their mate. This, to me is a different type anger problem, requiring a different form of therapy.
Now, you ask, how can someone only have an anger problem when with their significant other? Could it be because the personality of the other sparks those issues? In my experience as a therapist, this can certainly be the problem.
Within the past three months, I had several individuals come into my office because they wanted to keep their relationship, and they have been called out on their anger. Each has told of no problems with anger outside the home. A thorough interview did not indicate the problems either. And, in each case, when the significant other is described, it is like going down a check list for someone with a personality disorder known as Borderline Personality Disorder.
For those who are not familiar with this term, it is a diagnosis frequently given to people who are often in conflict with others. They look to others to help "fix" them, and do not see where they should take responsibility for their own actions. To them, the other person is always the cause of their problems.
For more information on living with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, you might want to read two other blog posts from my blog library:
There are others who encounter anger when living with a person with passive-aggressive tendencies. These individuals can be extremely frustrating to be in a relationship with due to their tendency to deflect the feelings onto the other party. In this case, this frustration can turn to anger. Here is another blog concerning this personality pattern:
If after reading these articles, you see that this might relate to you, then seek help for yourself and your partner. Anger issues can destroy a relationship. If your partner won't go, then go without them. Being angry isn't healthy, and you deserve to learn new ways of dealing with these feelings.
Dr. Nona Owens
580 Springridge Rd. Suite 4-A
Clinton, Mississippi, 39056