.HOW HEALTHY IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU?
Is your relationship making you sick? Are you an enabler? Could it be that the behaviors of the person you love is causing you stress, or making you sad?
It is not uncommon for those in a relationship to become so enmeshed with the behaviors of others that they lose their own identity. Trying to "fix" others, or assume responsibility for their unhealthy behaviors causes emotional pain. Enabling others, rather than requiring them to take responsibility for their own actions drags one into the drama and unhealthy lifestyle.
Unfortunately, it takes the stress level to become so high, or depression to become intense before one seeks help. Even at this point, when one comes in, their focus is still on others. It is important to learn to separate their own needs from others.
"Selfish" is not a bad word in cases like this. One must accept the idea that it is alright to become a caretaker for self. The sad thing is that often there isn't anyone else looking out for them because it is all about others.
Guilt is not uncommon as one learns self-care; however, it is not only important to becoming emotionally healthy, but it may often benefit those they are involved with.
Many step out in fear that they will lose those they are involved with. Others don't know how to ask for what they need in a healthy relationship. For some, they are so accustomed to taking all the responsibility for the problems that they can't see it isn't them who is causing the problems.
Therapy is a learning process. I often equate it with learning to bloom. Just as a flower needs good soil, water, and sun, having someone to guide and support along the way can help one "bloom".
Going from tears and high anxiety to laughter and joy is possible. Everyone deserves this. If you recognize yourself, then seek help with a qualified therapist.
Dr. Nona Owens
580 Springridge Rd.
Clinton, Mississippi, 39056