HOW MUCH WILL YOU GIVE?
When it comes to love, there are those who will give up their life when there is danger to another. Unfortunately, many who are involved in a codependent relationship will go to that extreme in their perception of their need to take care of, or save someone.
In my work as a psychologist, I meet people who come in so damaged due to their codependency. Often, their anxiety is so high over their need to "fix" someone, or they are in the depth of depression when they can not solve the problems of another. One thing is common, and that is their tendency to assume blame when they are not holding others accountable.
A recent news story told of a parent drowning while trying to rescue their child. We see that as sad, yet what we would expect of a loving parent. In the attempt to "rescue" those who are destroying their life through such things as alcohol or drugs, many put their own life at risk.
I've seen parents who have gone through their life savings trying to "fix" someone, yet at the end, they are broke, and the abuser hasn't changed. Others suffer health problems due to stress. Often, their own guilt keeps them in this pattern of giving, yet is it the right thing to do?
This shouldn't be about doing all the work for others, but holding them accountable for their own actions. It has been proven over and over that assuming the role of the codependent doesn't work. There is a much better chance of helping someone when boundaries are set, and the codependent person quits being the caretaker.
It you recognize yourself, or someone you love within what I have written, it might be time to break the cycle. Help is available for you.
Dr. Nona Owens, Ph.D.
580 Springridge Rd.
Clinton, Mississippi 39056